But I *was* going to go sign the closing papers late this week...

Nov 18, 2008

The home purchase is in jeopardy - and it's all due to paperwork, and it's nothing I could possibly have any influence over.

FHA loans are loans from the US government, not from a bank. FHA loans are often used by first time homebuyers because you don't have to have as high a credit score to qualify for one. Thus, people with little to no credit history can apply for and get an FHA loan. (FHA loans can also let the homebuyer make an initial downpayment as low as 3% - another attractant to the first-time homebuyer, since they don't have to have as much liquid assets to get themselves into a house.) For the past five years, people have gone more with conventional loans (including many of the subprime loans that are now one of the most visible, publicly-berated cause of our economic woes) than with FHA loans. Starting in July 2008, however, the FHA cast the hairy eyeball at the mortgage industry (and all its little wizards) and said to itself, "Self, we don't want to end up that teetery in five years. We'd better make the requirements for FHA loan approval more stringent." So now, along with the building being liveable and having records of any maintenance or additions being done by proper contractors, condos, townhomes and coops must show sound property management including sound fiscal policy. That means a separate bank account for the HOA, decent cash reserves available for any building-related maintenance or emergencies, and a paper trail showing regular deposits of the dues collected from the homeowners.

With me so far? Good.

Now, some history from another angle: this particular condo complex includes 16 cottage units. The complex was built in 2001, so residents moved in beginning in early 2002. Because they were so very small, the residents decided to manage the homeowner's association themselves. They set up a separate bank account, they kept maintenance records and meeting minutes, they collected homeowner's dues and deposited them into that separate bank account. They'd actually built up some pretty healthy reserves. However, by 2007, this whole process had begun to pall. Screw this self-management crap, said the sixteen. Let's just raise the dues and hire a property manager. (They also probably decided to do this because one of the sixteen, one of the more active, was going through a divorce, so probably would not be staying in the complex much longer. And when you lose your most active members...time to outsource.) They did some research - and by May 2008, a property management company took over the homeowner's association management and administration. One of the issues found was that while the homeowners had kept regular meeting minutes, they were not as complete as they could have been paperwork-wise. So the new property manager set about getting things organized. In October, he applied for FHA approval of the complex as a whole - so that if people who could only get an FHA loan wanted to move in, they would be able to do so. (FHA approval makes a complex look more attractive - if a complex is FHA approved, that's almost shorthand for "sound management and maintenance practices".)

You still with me? That last bit was a little dry. Go grab a sandwich or a drink. I'll wait.

Okay, so fast forward to this month — this week, actually. As the last step in getting the deal completed, the lenders (specifically, The Gubmint) need to see that the property that I wish to buy is FHA approved. If it isn't...no loan for me. At least, not to buy *this* particular property. My mortgage broker has been communicating with someone in the loan office, sending over all kinds of papers so that this particular unit can be spot-approved by the FHA. It involves much backing-and-forthing. (Thank the forty-nine little godlings for emails.) The property manager heard that the loan people need to see not just the current amount in the HOA account, but a line item or some other paper trail showing regular monthly deposits equal to the monthly HOA dues collected from the homeowners. However, because of less-than-stellar bookkeeping by the self-run management, that line item / paper trail isn't there. The property manager asked - through my mortgage broker - if he could send bank statements for the previous months of that account, showing the regular deposits. (The feds need to see that that money's been there all along, rather than, say, pulled out of some account in the Cayman Islands in October just to look good for the FHA approval committee.) The person at the loan office didn't reply, though, because the person at the loan office works from 6am to 3:30pm. (Isn't that just spiffy?!??) So I'm on tenterhooks until sometime tomorrow, when this conversation is resumed and the statements are either sufficient, or we're told that some other paperwork must be produced to get FHA spot approval.

Which all means that there's miniscule chance that I won't be closing on November 24th, after all.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. A-a-a-and FUCK.

Possibilities are:

1. the FHA spot approval could go through tomorrow or the day after, I could still close before Thanksgiving.
2. the FHA spot approval could go through, but not until after Thanksgiving - which would delay closing until early December.
3. the FHA could decide, well, this is already in progress, let's let it run the full fifteen weeks and run every last little check. If that occurs, and the complex is FHA approved, closing would happen in mid to late January.
4. the FHA spot approval could not go through due to some other reason, which may mean that I'd have to wait in limbo for the whole complex to undergo the normal FHA approval process. Again, closing would happen in mid to late January.
5. the regular FHA approval might not be granted (due to some number looking funny or what), which would mean that I could not buy the place with an FHA loan. This would mean that I'd apply for a conventional loan. If I got a conventional loan, I might have to go through the whole damn process again...unless some other buyer snaps the property up. Assuming I applied for and got a non-FHA loan, closing might happen as early as February - but more likely March.
6. with no FHA lending approval, and unable to qualify for a conventional loan (first time homebuyer, nonexistent credit history other than a CapitalOne card), I would not be able to purchase this condo, and would have done all this stressing for absotively posilutely nothing.
7. worse, the other condos I've looked at don't hold a single candle to a detached condo. If I now had to settle for buying one of those units and living there for a few years while I built up my credit history, then to hope that something as cool came available when I was ready to buy again...I think I might just give up and consign myself to a life of renting.

I don't drink. I can't drink. I can't hold my liquor; and my liver took lots of wear taking dilantin for a quarter-century. Heck, the last time I had a near-beer, I had the mother of all hangovers and two seizures. But if I thought I could get away with it...I'd go to the pub and get myself good and drunk.

Instead, I went to the grocery store. Oh yes, children, Momma went on a depressive-sugar-shopping minibinge. I got

8. eggnog
9. spiced cider mix
10. raspberry Pims
11. good quality cocoa
12. a raspberry danish loaf
13. two big chocolate bars
14. ...in other words, absolutely nothing with any nutritional value whatsoever unless you count protein molecules that may have rubbed off of the packaging

I can't get drunk, but I can damn well give myself a sugar high. I have twenty-four hours of limbo staring me in the face. When limbo's over, either I'll know that yes, Virginia, I'm buying that cottage, or I'll have to go to the apartment complex managers and tell them that I won't be moving out after all. And then, of course, I'll have to call the cable company and tell them not to switch my services over, call the electric company and tell them the same thing, call the movers and cancel that appointment, call the carpet cleaners and cancel that appointment, call work and tell them that I will be working those two days after all (save up my time off for whenever I *do* eventually move), and possibly - possibly - start unpacking. At least enough so that I can get to my books and DVDs easily for however long I'm still at this place.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. A-a-a-a-aaannnnd FUCK!

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and other things involving lots and lots of boxes. And packing popcorn. And bubble wrap. And paint.

Nov 09, 2008

I'm packing things up.

15 days - counting today - until I get possession of the new place. That's also 15 days until I sign the papers to go into a large amount of debt...larger than I've ever had in my life. Granted, it's a long-term repayment (mortgages usually are), and it's building equity. And it's my housedetached condo, dangit. I can do whatever I want. (Well, almost. If I took leave of my senses long enough to think that neon fuschia with chartreuse trim was a good exterior paint combination, the association would overrule me. And possibly have me sedated.) This is a detached condo in an area that I love, it's got room for me/cats/stuff and then some, and it will appreciate in value as time goes on. (In the short term, it will lose value...but that's only because housing markets will continue to fall for a little while. Though this area isn't as hard-hit as other parts of the country.) Plus...it's a roof over my head. This is the first place, other than Vancouver BC Canada, where I've felt content enough to want to put down roots and buy a house.

I'm already planning several things:

• repaint the downstairs. Everything's a dull white, so either the homeowners really really loved that color, or it's still the original color the builders put on the walls. But it's a *dull* white. It doesn't even brighten the rooms. So I'm changing the color. (The stairwell needs repainted, anyway. You can see spots on there where the original homeowners had all kinds of scrapes on the wall, and repainted...inexpertly.)
• pull down the trim in the living room. They used the baseboard, and they didn't apply it well. There's no caulking at the ceiling line, the cuts aren't smooth or even, and the nail holes weren't filled in properly. So, yeah, several reasons to take that down (besides the fact that I don't like it.) I'm already thinking up alternative crown moulding...possibly multiple pieces, with one small thin piece about an inch down from the rest, so that the wall and wall color shows between?
• I was contemplating putting up high shelves all around the office and library, so the cats would have a nifty high place...but the ceilings are only about 8 feet high, so that would really make the rooms look smaller. Plus I'd have to do something creative when the shelf crossed over the windows. I haven't discarded the idea, but it won't be happening right away.
• The master bedroom closet has no doors. Since I have cats who looooooove to twine in anything hanging, closet doors are mandatory if I don't want to have all my hems festooned with cat fur. (The MBR closet is more of a nook with wire shelves, rather than an actual real closet; so I need to put in hanger dowels, too.)
• All the windows are those nifty vinyl dual-paned jobs, which is excellent for heat conservation (a bit more important here in the Pacific Northwest than where I used to live.) Right now, they all have aluminum blinds...which are serviceable, but kind of "bleah". It's a large-ish cash outlay, but I'm putting cellular shades in every window, including the patio door (which currently has only a decorative curtain, not anything that actually provides privacy, let alone a thermal barrier.) Those cellular shades will also help when summer comes - especially a blackout shade on the south-southwest patio, which gets full afternoon sun. They'll keep the place cooler.
• The doors are...well, they're architecturally stupid, is what. Not the doors themselves, which are just cheap rather than stupid. The floorplan is such, though, that the doors take up space in weird ways when they're open. In the library, the open door blocks the front window. In the master bedroom, the open door blocks the passthrough/closet/hall into the bathroom. In the kitchen, the door from the library...well, that is going to be walled up, so I don't care about that one so much. But you get my point. In most cases, the doors can't just be hinged on the other side because they'd then block the heat vents when open. Replacing all the interior doors with double doors that open down the middle will take care of that particular problem. (The doors will also look better than what's currently being used, which is a hollow-core door with that wood-grain-look paper over it. It looks very...not completely "cheap", but "lowest bidder" or "builder's bulk special".) I don't know how much it will cost to replace the doors, though. That one could take a while.
• The fireplace is nifty...but the mechanism that blows the heated air into the living room isn't working. I'd like that replaced, since blowing the air back into the house in winter would be another heat source. The cats will thank me by becoming near-permanent living works of art, ensconed on the hearth under the warm air stream. Picaresque *and* calming...and then they won't all be trying to walk all over the keyboard while I'm working, so it's a win-win-win.
• Speaking of the fireplace, it needs a mantel. I can see the line above the fireplace where the owners removed a shelf-mantel that was effectively just glued in place. I want an actual mantel that I can put stuff on - so it needs to be better supported. Since this isn't a "real" fireplace, I'm toying with the idea of having shelves or display nooks down the sides. They wouldn't be deep enough for even a paperback book; but some of my smaller dragons could probably go there (as long as I can convince the cats that these are not toys. That bit might take some doing.)
• Longer term, I'd like to replace the kitchen cabinets. They don't go all the way to the top of the ceiling...and I'm very tall, but I'm not so tall that I could keep things up in that 7" gap and be able to get at them easily. I know why they did this. Kitchen ceilings are not always at a strict 90 degree angle to the kitchen wall. If they slope upward a little bit, no problem...but if they slope down, there's a chance that open cupboard doors would scrape along the kitchen ceiling (or not open all the way.) By moving the cabinets down half a foot or thereabouts, the builders effectively save on labor because they don't have to hire someone who knows all the tricks of hanging kitchen cabinets. They can just get any builder to securely affix the cabinets to the walls, et blammo. (Plus, if the ceilings dip down, any potential homeowner won't notice, and thus won't complain / decide to go buy something else.) The trick here will be to just get cabinets that have about two inches worth of "framing" which would give me back my cabinet space, but neatly avoid any problems with scraping cabinet doors. That will be about $3,000 (thank you, Home Depot pricing guides. I now know how much I have to save. And, crap, it's another large-ish expense. So that project automatically goes out a few years...)
• My biggest project, in terms of cost, labor, and value it will add to the place, is to push the upstairs walls into the attic about four feet. This will give me another 150 square feet of liveable space in the office and bedroom. However, it will involve having the roof-supporting joists redone so as to clear that additional space. The hot water heater also resides in the attic, so that will need to be repiped. But I'll be able to put a closet in the office, thus making the house into a 3BR; and I'll be able to potentially add a small window seat and another window in the master bedroom, as well as have more space. (Or possibly add a walk-in closet. I haven't quite decided yet.) This project will probably run me close to $20K, so that's at least five years off. (There's no way I can save that much in five years...but I can save a goodly chunk of it, which will help when I go to apply for a home loan.)
• If I had a full bath downstairs instead of a half-bath, I could rent out the downstairs room and the renter would be able to shower without having to troop up through my bedroom. I'm really, really hoping that things don't get so tough that I need to take this step - but it would be nice to have that option. (Plus it would add to resale or rental value, having two full bathrooms instead of 1.5. And if someone came for a week to visit...again, they could take their morning shower without having to go up the stairs and through my room. Which could save some awkwardness, especially if they wake up earlier than I do. No, wait, that could save potential minor violence, not merely awkwardness. Still...it's a good, worthwhile project.)

I should be able to do many of these smaller things within the first month - the painting, the duettes, possibly replacing the doors. The bigger stuff will have to wait a while. I want to get my savings built back up so that I have enough in there for six months of mortgage payments (at least). And then within the next year I have to buy a new car. Mine is twelve years old. It's a trouper, but it's over a decade. Time for it to go finish its life at, say, Volunteers of America or a women's crisis center or someplace like that.

(Apologies for talking so much about things that cost money, especially with the economy in the shape that it's in. It will get worse before it gets better, I know that. Our country has been living too high for too long, and we're going to have to pay the piper. Whomever had gotten elected this past Nov 4 (yay!! Obama won!!) would have been faced with a big mess to clean up. But I've been smart with my spending. The worst thing that can be said about my credit history is that I don't really have any. And my job, while not 100% secure, is pretty dang secure...and I'm versatile enough that if I lose this job, I can get jobs in many other industries. I can even switch career fields temporarily, if necessary. I don't want to, but I can.)

Now, the Search for Wardrobe Boxes. I need about six - some tall, a few "short". And Craigslist isn't cooperating today...

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